Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and let your heart make the decisions. For someone as anxious as me, nothing is scarier than diving head first into something you've never done before and know absolutely nothing about. I'm someone who thinks about every possible outcome to every possible decision until it consumes me. Then, even when I come to a decision, I continue to overthink that choice for all of eternity. See the problem here? The majority of life is about learning, but how is one suppose to learn if they never allow themselves to make mistakes? Of course, I'm not saying you should never try to make the right decisions, but forcing yourself into a corner where you end up not making a decision at all isn't much better. How will you know what is right if you don't find out what is wrong? They say that the best way to learn something is by getting it wrong the first time, and honestly, that sounds about right. I don't stay up late at night thinking about all the times I've said the perfect thing at the perfect time, I think about all those times I had incredibly bad timing and cringe. Why do we feel like that? Why don't we celebrate our achievements, but instead, focus on all the things we've done wrong? If you read my last post, you'll know how I believe that we, as people, are more than our mistakes. We are more than our few bad choices, and I want to reiterate that. Maybe you feel like someone's going to judge you, maybe you feel like you feel the need to meet a standard you've place on yourself. To you, I say this: No one will judge you for being human because there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with not knowing, as long as you are actively learning. Anyone who judges you for that, isn't someone whose opinion you should care about. Lately, I've been placing more effort into keeping myself in check, trying not to overthink as much. By all means, it hasn't been easy, but I'm happy I'm trying. I am not a perfect person, no one is, so why do I feel this overwhelming pressure to make the "perfect" decision every time? Sometimes you need to push yourself to make choices that bring you out of your comfort zone. Sometimes taking that leap of faith can be oh so rewarding. Recently I took a leap of faith. I was vulnerable, a little scared, and honestly a bit uncomfortable. But I'm so glad I did it. I was able to bring something into my life that I didn't even know I needed. I was able to feel a certain happiness I've never felt before. I can only imagine how different things would be now if I hadn't given something so uncertain a chance. And I'm still taking that leap of faith, but I'm no longer scared for the future, only excited to see what will come next. You will never know what's behind the door if you never open it. So, go to that concert you're not sure you want to go to. Try that new hobby you saw on TikTok, even though you think you might suck at it. Travel somewhere you've never been. Try a new food. You'll never know what might happen, no matter what choice you make, but wouldn't you rather be the person who tried it, then the person who was too scared to? Life is a gamble, the more you bet, the more you just might win. Author's Note: This is poorly written and I also wrote it a while ago, but I just wanted to put this out there since I put my heart into it : ' )
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I'm a firm believer in looking back at your past and reflecting. Call it dwelling, but, at least for me, I think analyzing past decisions is really important for self-improvement. No one is perfect, and no one ever will be, but does that mean we should all stop trying? It makes me think about this quote Rue says [remembering what her sponsor, Ali, said to her] in Euphoria (yes, I watch Euphoria.): "The thought of maybe being a good person, keeps me trying to be a good person." At the end of the day, we can only try, but really, I think that's the best thing anyone can do. Many can do what comes easily to them, but those who actively try, are the ones fighting the real battles. To me, there are no fully good or fully bad people. There are plenty of good people who make bad decisions and there are bad people who make good ones. So does that mean that everyone is good? Or that everyone is bad? Who knows. The real question is what drives a good person to make bad decisions? I mean, what even are bad decisions? For the sake of keeping everyone on the same page, let's say a bad decision is any decision that does more harm than good to another person. My theory to why good people make some bad decisions is simple: emotions. We are all human, we all have emotions, and every day we are learning how to correctly deal with them. I am guilty of suppressing my emotions and it's gotten me into a lot of difficult situations. Suppressing them doesn't make them go away and soon, you get to the point where it's overflowing. Then, you have no choice but to do something about it. And anyone who has gone through what I am talking about knows that making decisions when in an overly emotional state isn't the smartest idea. Your judgement is clouded, you're suffering, and all you can think about is finding a way for it to stop. So, sometimes, you do the wrong thing. One could argue that anyone "smart and mature" would know not to act so irrational; to take a step back and make the right decision. And that's not wrong. I mean, that would be the logical thing to do. But, can you really say that you've never been under so much pressure that you called the wrong shot? Said the wrong thing? Took the wrong step? I am in no way excusing hurtful behavior, but I think there is a lot more to a person than the decisions they make. I think that a lot of people are going through different things both emotionally and mentally, so it's unfair to judge from the outside looking in. And more importantly, if they admit their faults and are actively trying to be better, they deserve a chance to be forgiven. Earlier, I said that I don't believe there are no fully good or fully bad people, and I don't. But if there was, I think what separates a good person from a bad person is the effort put in to truly self-improve. If a person genuinely owns up to their mistakes, takes responsibility for what they did, and makes the choices to be better, I truly believe that they should be given a chance to be forgiven. I definitely don’t believe in empty apologies, but I also don't think one decision should shape the way people see us forever. We are constantly growing and learning every single day and sometimes people makes mistakes. As someone who most struggled with it growing up, admitting you're wrong can be a really difficult thing for some. To put your ego aside, openly speak about your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness is something not many can do. And the action of admitting fault is the first step in becoming a better person, or at least trying to be a better person. And all we can really do is try. Right? Author's Note: Thank you for reading this far, please be sure to discuss your ideas respectfully in the comments. I would love to hear your thoughts. This was something I've been thinking about lately. |
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